she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
