What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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