I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
