please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
