either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
