Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
