how can u be prego again
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
