this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
