remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
