I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
