Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
