I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
bring money and cleavage
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
