I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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