Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
