Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
