I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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