just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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