fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Please, let me fuck your mom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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