I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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