I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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