you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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