WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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