So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
