How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
