Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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