I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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