Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
