..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Im part way to drunk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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