taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
