Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize