I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
