I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize