No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
