I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
