Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
