he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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