In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize