jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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