ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
