My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
