Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
