I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
