I have demons in me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
