In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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