It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize