I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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