So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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