dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
