There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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