is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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