Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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