so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
