Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
