i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
