Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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