I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
