Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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