There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
