Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
