Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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