the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
