I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize