So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
