Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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