i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
