Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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