I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
