When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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