Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
