Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
