I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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