just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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