I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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