considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
