Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
