There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
