Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
