Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
