We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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