Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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