what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
