We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize