You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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