Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
