I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
