You're my little dorito
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
