so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just gift wrapped bread.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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