I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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