dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
