I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
