Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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