It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Come share oat with me in your robe
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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