There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
