I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
